


Hidden Hobbies

by Arisprite



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Character Deaths Mentioned, Drawing, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Illegal talk of the outside world, Post Battle of Trost, Pre- 57th Expedition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-08 01:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5478149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arisprite/pseuds/Arisprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin and Jean share the same talent, but discover that they use drawing for different things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hidden Hobbies

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to @queensmooting for the wonderful comments!
> 
> If anyone is interested, the prompt for this was 'Dust'.

Armin brushed the dust off his fingers. The charcoal bits that stained his fingers black, and edged the lines of his nails with the almost glittery dark powder. There were smudges on the blank places of his paper, and his hands, but the drawing he’d just done was clear. It was a recreation, as best as he could remember it, from his grandfather’s book, done on a small blank sketch book, he’d bought on a leave into town back when he was still a cadet - a small, panic influenced purchase when he realized he couldn’t remember clearly the pictures inside. 

Armin had lost the book in the fall of Shiganshina, and while the loss didn’t overshadow anything else that had happened that day, not by a long shot, he was still sometimes sad that it was gone. It had been so precious. He wondered if it was still there, in the little hidden bookshelf of their house, where he and his grandfather had lived together, after his parents had disappeared. 

Armin leaned back, and looked at the tiny sketch of a glittering sea. It was perhaps amateurish, with too harsh lines, and didn’t convey what the picture had actually looked like, let alone what the real thing must be, but Armin was glad he’d drawn it. It wasn’t his first copy out of that book, but he’d torn out the pages, afraid they’d be seen. It was nice to have something to look at again. After all that had happened, it was good to remember the small happy talks he’d had with Eren and Mikasa about the sea and fire water and ice fields… 

“You draw?” said a voice, and Armin looked up, hurriedly covering the picture, to see Jean blinking at him, startled at Armin’s reaction. 

“Just little things from my imagination,” Armin said quickly, too loudly, still covering the picture. 

Jean stepped back, a rare understanding on his face. “You don’t have to show me.” He lifted his hands, spread them out between them. “I get it, I- I draw too, but I don’t show anyone,” Jean finished, looking embarrassed. 

Armin blinked, before smiling wide. “You do!” His panic was forgotten as he recognized that Jean had just shared a secret with him, one he probably didn’t tell most people. And it was good to see Jean talking to someone, honestly. Lately, he’d been far too quiet. “What sort of things?” 

Jean blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “People, mostly.” 

“That takes skill,” Armin said, feeling impressed. “I’ll bet they look lovely. Mine are just doodles, really. Landscapes.” 

He knew it was a bad idea to share this kind of thing. Talk about outside the wall was still forbidden, but they were Scouts now, as of two weeks ago. Surely, if anyone could be curious about what was out there, it could be people who actually get to go out into it. Or, will get to, on that expedition they were planning in a couple of weeks. 

“Do- do you want to see?” he asked, and Jean looked at him, before nodding and sitting beside him on the bench. Armin still had his hand on the paper, and he looked down at it, before looking at Jean. “Maybe you’d better know before… they’re drawings of the outside. Outside the walls.” 

Jean tilted his head. “But, we haven't gone out there yet.” 

Armin shook his head. “Far outside. I’m sure we won’t see anything like this when we go, but, my grandfather owned a book… I was just trying to recreate the pictures in it. So, it’s illegal. You don’t have to look if you don’t want to get in trouble.” 

“Are you going to tell anyone?” Jean asked, and Armin shook his head, then half tilted it. 

“Well, Eren and Mikasa already know,” he amended, and Jean gave him a fierce smile, more of an expression than he’d seen on his face in a while. 

“Well, then I have to see it, if that bastard knows about it.” 

Armin laughed. “Alright,” he said, well aware that Jean respected Eren as much as anyone. Their fighting, what had started as genuine antagonism, had morphed somewhere along the way, into mostly a ridiculous routine for their own and other’s amusement. It was something Armin actually missed lately, as Eren had been separated with them, in Captain Levi’s squad. 

Armin shifted, and moved his hand, to expose his (slightly smudged) drawing. The sea blinked out at him off the paper, and Armin felt a renewed wave of longing and determination. Jean leaned in to see. 

“What is it?” Jean asked, voice lowered. 

Armin touched the clearer edge of the paper, leaving another smudge from his still black fingers. 

“The sea… it’s a great body of saltwater that actually covers most of the world. Strange fish live in it, that we’ve never seen before, and people used to travel around on it, for days at a time.” 

Jean was staring, jaw gaped open. “That’s- that’s impossible!” he breathed, a smile flitting his lips. “I think you’re right, and it was your imagination that came up with something so crazy.” He ruffled Armin’s hair, and Armin laughed. 

“I’m serious. I read about it in a science book. And that’s not all, there were rivers of fire, plains of ice, mountains so tall no one can climb them… it’s amazing to think about.” 

Jean chuckled, leaning onto his elbow. “All that is out there?” 

“Yeah,” Armin beamed. Then he laughed at himself. “Well, at least that’s what that book said. If it’s there though… I want to see it. Sometimes, more than I want anything else, I want us all to get there someday.” 

“I don’t think I want to see rivers of fire, or plains of ice.” 

“The sea then.” Armin imagined it, as he had so often. “There are these birds called gulls, that can fly so far out over the water that they can’t see land anymore, but they’re still strong enough to fly back, and the air smells of salt, and fish.” 

“Sounds gross,” Jean said, and Armin elbowed him. 

“Maybe it is. But I bet it’s pretty.” 

Jean pointed. “If it’s anything like your drawing, I bet it is.” 

Armin’s face warmed a little, and he smiled. “Thanks, Jean. I’d love to see yours sometime, if you didn’t mind showing me.” 

Jean turned his head away, looking off to the middle distance. He was quiet for a long moment, and then nodded, and stood. “Alright. Wait here.” 

Armin blinked, not expecting an immediate granting of his request, but he nodded while Jean left, heading down the path towards the main hall of the scout’s barracks. A short time later, Jean returned, clutching a small book, like his, to his chest. His face was aflame, and he looked like he was reconsidering showing him at all, so Armin smiled gently and looked up. 

“Thank you for showing me,” he said, and Jean met his eyes and then scuffed the ground with his toe. 

“Yeah, no big deal,” he mumbled, and then sat beside him, and handed Armin the book, turning away. “Here.”

Armin looked at him, and nodded, before starting at the beginning. First, there were quick sketches of people who he didn’t recognize, maybe his parents, maybe other friends. Some children. Then, he began to recognize people. Instructor Shadis. Thomas, who Armin remembered was also from Trost. Mikasa a few times - Jean blushed about those, but there were plenty of the rest of them as well, so it wasn’t like Armin was judging. He saw Eren (accompanied by a mocking cartoon of him saying things he wouldn’t repeat in polite company), he saw Marco, and Connie, and Sasha and Annie and Reiner and Bertholdt, as well as himself and the rest of the 104th cadet squad at least once each. 

Then there was a break. The next page after the blank one, the drawing style changed. These most recent pages held titans, grotesque faces scrawled across the rough paper, eating tiny smudges that must be people. Some of the pages held the faces of people who’d died. Thomas again, Mira Carolina, Marco, over and over again. A lot of these pages were torn, or crumpled, or ever spattered with wet marks, dried over to make the paper wavey. 

Jean had his head turned fully away now, tense as a board, skin flushed, probably regretting this whole thing. Armin reached the end, and closed the book softly, before he reached out and put a hand on Jean’s shoulder. 

“Thank you,” he murmured, repeating himself, “for showing me. You’re a wonderful artist.” 

Jean moved, jerkily dipping his head forward. “I- it just…” 

Armin nodded. “I understand. It gets it out of you, so you don’t have to see it in your mind…” he hadn’t done it himself, but perhaps he could try. He got it, though. He did. 

Jean nodded, still looking at the ground. Armin watched him, and though he was still tense, still embarrassed, Armin thought that perhaps Jean was a little more at ease as well. Like, he’d needed to show someone, someone else to make the pictures, just pictures. 

He didn’t know what else to say, so he kept his hand on Jean’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb back and forth softly. Jean breathed, and then looked at him. 

“Your pictures were nicer,” he said, a slight, bitter, smile rising on his face. Armin smiled back at him. 

“You should draw more.” 

Jean nodded. “I should. Maybe I’ll draw the sea.” 

“Draw us all there.” Armin thought that it would make part of his own dream come true, if he could see that. Jean smiled, and Armin gently gave his book back, before he stood. “Come on, let’s go find the mess hall. I think it’s lunch time.” 

Jean rose too and followed him, and Armin was right that his step was lighter. Armin’s was too.


End file.
